I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
