1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
