Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Alive.
So much puke
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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