For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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