So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
