That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
