You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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