also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
