I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
