So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
