you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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