My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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