Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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