i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
