how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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