i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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