hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
this boner is exhausting
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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