K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize