i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
