Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?