You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate