NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.