I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)