you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships