I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it