I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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