it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
