i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I deserve this hangover.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
