i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize