It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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