is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He felt like a one man threesome
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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