I need help removing her.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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