I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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