piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
