my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
