Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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