Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
