so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
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When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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