I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
