I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
