No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
