I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
