I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
