You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
