he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
