Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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