Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
pop tarts are not kleenex
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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