he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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