I like my sex mixed with concussions.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
