my vag is so smooth its legendary
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i've created a new STD.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
