Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
