I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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