fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's shark week go big or go home
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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