THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just want to make out with him forever
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
