Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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