That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
