i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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