I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
