Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
