I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
