can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
