don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
